Bloody tourists…

Look, I’m delighted they’re here. I’m delighted they’re clogging up the footpaths. I’m even cool with the leprechaun hats, if they absolutely have to. What really offends me though, as the years go by, is the way tourists still, to a man, refuse to ask me directions.

They’re here each summer, these nice American (and French and German and English) people, standing helplessly on the street corner, mouths and maps hanging wide open in the breeze. They’re lost. I’m on hand and willing to help. But who will they turn to? For reasons unclear, the answer would be anyone but me. Read the rest of this entry »

Nothin’ on You (2010)

Okay, I’m outing myself. I fucking love this track. I don’t care what anyone else thinks. My favourite couplet from the song has to be “Baby you’re the whole package / and you pay your taxes!” (See, that’s why I could never date Lester Piggott…) Read the rest of this entry »

Miscellaneous Amusing Items I’ve Come Across #37, 38, 39

The Sarah Jessica Parker headline has to be one of the greatest of all time. Read the rest of this entry »

Play with the ball, Lexus

Jaysus, I almost forgot. Last weekend I visited the set of the new Hardy Bucks series in Swinford. Three thirty-minute episodes will air on RTE this autumn. (Look out for me as the last man standing in the 17-hour pint drinking contest. It’s the role I was born to play.) I’m also writing a feature about it for the Irish Times, to be published in September. Read the rest of this entry »

For the first time in living memory, the office becomes a hive of activity…

Expensive fragrances waft through the corridors. Hemlines rise inexoribly. In one corner of the office there appears to be an orange make-up death match underway – it’s like there’s a team of Oompa-Loompas suddenly pitching in! Read the rest of this article here.

Remove the Stone of Shame! Attach the Stone of Triumph!*

*It’s a Stonecutters/Chosen One joke. Ah, forget it… On a totally unrelated note, some American kid films his mother’s reaction to the latest American Idol finale. Wow, is all I can say.

Lame jokes Bob Dylan has told onstage while introducing his band (1988 – 2009)

“At the back, the meanest drummer in the world. When we played in the Middle East, he killed the Dead Sea… David Kemper!”

“You might be wondering what’s written on his shoes – those are foot notes!” Read the rest of this entry »

George Costanza’s Greatest Hits

1. “The Sea Was Angry That Day, My Friends” monologue (The Marine Biologist)
Jerry has set George up on a date. Since George is unemployed, Jerry (for some reason) has pretended that his friend is a marine biologist. During the date, George and his new love interest happen upon a beached whale. Earlier in the same episode, Kramer practices his drive by firing golf balls into the sea. Read the rest of this entry »

So my birthday party went pretty well…

Clearly, I’m one of Ireland’s swingingest journalists

Ireland’s first adult magazine has just hit the shelves. Blue Ireland bills itself as this country’s answer to Playboy. And it’s based in the salubrious, Hefner-esque surroundings of the Fonthill Industrial Estate in Clondalkin. The pool parties, no doubt, will be don’t-miss occasions.

This exciting news was broken in an email yesterday to an extremely select group of Irish journalists. We’re talking about half a dozen names. (The sender forgot to BCC.) I’m not going to name names, since they probably have no more idea how they ended up on it than I do. But I’m flattered to be among them. Clearly, my reputation Ireland’s swingingest journalist precedes me! Read the rest of this entry »