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Badass sentences I’d love to have appear in my obituary but am realistic enough to realize never will #347

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From the obituary for Israeli spy chief David Kimche which appeared in the Sunday Times today…

He became known as the “man with the suitcase”, appearing in various African states shortly before dramatic coups and disappearing again quickly afterwards.

March 14th, 2010.

8 Responses to “Badass sentences I’d love to have appear in my obituary but am realistic enough to realize never will #347”

  1. stevethomas Says:

    Hi eoin

    haven’t been on the blog in a while. lots of laughs to catch up on. you’re still young i think – lots of time yet to dabble in african politics!

    btw loved the speed dating article in the irish times a few weeks ago. very funny.

  2. Eoin Says:

    Thank you Steve.

  3. Colin Says:

    Extracts:

    Sir Eoin Buler was found dead today aged 157 in the Al Maktoum Dubai harem, two courtesans were also found dead alongside his body from exhaustion.

    Sir Eoin made his fortune in the early 21st century through his invention and successful application of wireless electricity, the Global iNap Network and the Butler Chausage franchise. He would later use his vast wealth to purchase Estonia, and rename it Butlerwozere, in the first corporate takeover of a country.

    He will be more fondly remembered in his native McDonaldland (formerly Oirishland)for his many writngs and musings, most notably ‘The Stoneybatter Trilogy’, ‘Heaven Knows I’m Miserable’ and children’s favourite ‘Why Go Bald?’.

    He his survived by his 5 wives, 38 legitimate children, 278 grandchildren and great-grandchildren and his faithful robo-beagle, Morrissey.

    Traditional Atheist Pongo Service to take place at Hitchens Cola Cathedral at 7pm followed by fireworks and ice-cream.

  4. Eoin Says:

    @ Colin – okay, no way would i call my country Butlerwozhere. I’d call it something cool, like Dudesville.

  5. Colin Says:

    @Eoin: Guess that’s true, you’d probably have every single person cleansed from Estonia in a crazed tyrant move just so you could say “Welcome to Dudesville, poulation: me”.

  6. El Kid Says:

    Try a bit harder bUTLER- I’m sure you can think of an even gayer name than Dudesville. What about homotown?

  7. david Says:

    Some true badass action @

    http://www.cracked.com/article_17019_5-real-life-soldiers-who-make-rambo-look-like-pussy_p1.html

  8. Eoin Says:

    @ EK – Homotown? I like it…

    @ David – I’m sure they’re all great guys, but that style of prose makes my head hurt.

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