Eoin Butler: writer, journalist and Mayoman of the Year

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Creative Whiting

terry fishing`
Tabloid newspapers have a dubious habit of using speculative commentary by unnamed “sources” to pad out their stories. No matter where the celebrity transgression takes place, it seems, there will always be some Joe Public type on hand to weigh in on the controversy in suspiciously proficient tabloid-ese. Today’s News of the World story on John Terry (‘It looks fishy, but Toni’s fallen for JT whopper’) is a really hilarious case in point. Briefly, the womanising Chelsea captain is on a yacht in Dubai. In these (probably staged) paparazzi shots, he is offering his long-suffering wife, with whom he has just been reconciled, some fishing tips. An “astonished onlooker” supposedly comments:

“I don’t know what sort of line JT’s been spinning but it looks like his missus has swallowed it! Where’s the catch?”

Suggestions for comments other astonished onlookers, also casually drifting around the Persian Gulf chit-chatting with tabloid reporters, could have made:

What the halibut is she playing at…? The troubled couple clearly haddock-ray-ving to get back together… This was too good an op-perch-tuna-ty to miss… Poor woman should see a brain-sturgeon… For JT this was a case of Stingray to Heaven… Meanwhile, their vicar was at home thinking Nearer my Cod to Thee etc. etc.

February 15th, 2010.

3 Responses to “Creative Whiting”

  1. Alan Moloney Says:
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:21 am

    “And then she was all like, what’s this all a trout?”

  2. Eoin Says:
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:38 am

    And he’s like, ah crap, I’ve haddock nuff of this shit…

    (F.Y.I. my fish puns source is here. Just about the oddest web page I’ve ever clam across.)

  3. sean Says:
    February 15th, 2010 at 3:32 pm

    The thing you have to understand about the tabloids Eoin is that even their own readers assume 90% of what there reading is probably bullshit. But they still buy the paper every morning regardless. Inventing quotes is the least of it. A tabloid journo will write a piece calling John Terry a scumbag today. Tomorrow if he has a good game for England the same guy will file a piece calling him Terry the Lionheart and condemning anyone who’s ever had a bad word to say about the guy. Readers have goldfish memories. No one ever notices or no one really gives a shit.

    Sean (ex-tabloid hack)

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