Eoin Butler: writer, journalist and Mayoman of the Year

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“I keep a careful record of these, since they might one day provide the basis for a plea of Guilty But Insane…”

pope-john-paul-II
Dear John Paul,

It is with considerable confusion that I acknowledge receipt of your letter of the 21st.

I am aware that you are the Supreme Head of the Roman Catholic Church and that I write album reviews. What I fail to understand is how this makes us rivals. Read the rest of this article here.

June 16th, 2011.

11 Responses to ““I keep a careful record of these, since they might one day provide the basis for a plea of Guilty But Insane…””

  1. whats the longest alias possible on this i was thinking JMSE after the crowd in croke park but i'm not sure.this is ferociously long story indeed my i say at the outset i enjoyed your piece too.piece.ah yeah this is probably too long.anyway.so what like.i Says:

    brent pope is passing himself off as get this a childrens writer i think he should call himself old bif ead.
    i speak like a child i write like a child.anyway fans of dan will want to know where he was the last week.i lost the phone on monday i was in killarney on monday.then tralee.then castlieisland.then listowel and caherciveen as you know,there will be no rent this month and well thats it.let me count the ways the strange things that happened-fans of dan on twitter will be wondering why he has been so quiet too of course-and when this entry level thing will ever get going.thats a total of nione days on the sauce-if i was in a band now thatd be grand.i wouldnt mind but this is bad stuff because the good stuff was in my head this morning-but now the hangover is starting and my hands are funny.this is tragic will this staor has taken a turn staor is my name-really beating down on me now-steat hair and face no sense of tragedy yet.the phone gone werily the book of elah.dont read anymore this is too much not sure what im thinking now will i put in a funny line about the lotto-too tired.this is mad-maybe i can no.basho?give me a pint a pint now maybe wine now in fairness.
    starting to believe my thoughts-theres a type of schizophrenia where a fella thinks his voice is trying to kill him.not funny.did you hear it-oh god where did that come from i think i might be able to resist the pain niw.resist the pain bow.resist the pain id that right.all the spelling errors but no creativity any more just shit talk.
    i can walk but its like when a fly walks do you know the way.i do.who are you?dont dan you cannot just dont.fands of the no im not up for this at all.is raining now.clotes are tricky in this state one reason is your mind is open to different possibilites two is the wanking orgy that has been taking place all moreing three is your very warm in yourself and four is oh all the trips to the toilet that have to be finished in a shower so nudity like,i have only one bitton on this thing now like.
    is there something wrong with this computer the words are a mess.no phone,fear.they say grief is a lot like fear.fear staring tony7 crow hai.got thats.camus was a fringht for writing god with a capital G.i like camus too.there was no rain the past few days.when a fella opines i dont know for sure what opines is but in she goes.opines would be a feminine word.what sort of luderss where the germans that time,there is only one s in luders but id feel better about if.fuck thats ruined.but yeah if a fella wants to say something about the weather ahm just ahm more accurate waether on the internet how many pubs are in this town.tell her your doing a jigsaw women have no mass on jigsaws look at citizen kanes wife.i suppose.youll spend longer on that than joan miro himself-it says joan on the box-i think its a cat or something its fairly shit but will be a nice addition to the house.right.that was a flat final right-another fella would say the stranger walked away and put on his hat,right he said.i thought id be worse literally a woman saw me in thre chemist saw me and sid nothing i said solpedines fetched them for me so thats all really,ill go on its not a bad way to spend the day.i imagine this will be about nineteen thousand pages could you make the website a bit larger please wider.
    time for a paragraph-wider letters ahm.who are the others?its over.no.what did paul mcarthy say on his death bed?yesterday.thats not a bad one.i like a man who has a good sense of humour?do you know what i mean.ive no idea where this is going.imagine the smell under my arms.you cant?

    more little sircles around the room.circles.the sun is up-ipod is gone too.thieves.who does anyone like bob dylan honestly-his voice is like sand and gravel -but seriously.i had lunch with paul allen-i can do it in your mans voice too.im meeting paul allen for lunch,ha ha ha.he has a sort of evil laugh then.im meeting paul allen for lunch
    what is clarice starling famous for?
    an unlikeley friendship with hannibal lecter!
    i had lunch with paul allen-gays are always coming onto me too if you talk at all to a gay fella in apub hell think you want to ride him.women must get that the whole time i remember some wonderfull things i said to women after about twenty five pints.i have my hands well not know but like a fella would be if he was praying and wanted everyone at mass to think “he was very good”like as in im here now staying on when mass is well over and look at me now amnt i lovely.
    how will i leave the house id die(this refers to me and not the ahm man that i was on about)

    a vistor will see me and ill have fave you fags weill you bring me up something as well.if only it were as easy in real life ha?id have a barber and hed give me a shave and a wash not a wash obviously and a pool now id fill a bath in the swimming pool and some women altho ive milked mysel about five times already so the women will be no use to me unless they can think of something else.for a minute there i thought the same thing.jesus this is weird.well ill go on i cant handle this fugue ho ho rehashed rehash,impulse control is what it comes down to-impulse control is what it comes down a song that was actually about a girls underarm spray.my nose the smell from it is really something about forty fags a day thats a lot.

    what time is it now 15.28.friday.people all going out and me here dying well maybe not unwilling to go further.shall i count the ways.its actually one of the coolest computers ever-the cut of itit gave me a smile there ah.got a nice cut on my hand.most people dont carry on like this but i think theyre missing outno rent paid at the end of the month though.that is worse than losing an arm.i dont even think im a type you know.im a prince is what i am.a prince.thats vulgar auld talk iisnt it.an auld pint of guinness there please.thats all youll get out of me for the first hour.

    another wird walk i threw a few darts that time and then i looked to see the dart bord wouldnt fall down then nosed the wall im boring myself.thare dan its boring listening to you.boring deluded what else i dont know most definitely a hater as they say in other parts o the internet.hate oh the hate i feel oh me oh my and woe no shortage of woe or articulate woe.when we think o the other people who are they>i can safely say i hate the lot of them only a fter a few pints can i gaive them a hug display my warmth at the bar

    phew.money is the curse of my life.this morning it was glistening-not the money and anyway i amnt talking to you you fool and now stop reading horrible fucker stop
    you know what else bothers me-women are mad about jim carrey-thay are though.a fucking eejit he is.

    this is slow work well its expression as much as anything will i come out with another tricky delightful line.the arrogance a sort of prissy arrogance.awareness what is it what does it do.this is deep stuff for me-uncharted waters into my mind imagine if there was liquid in your brain if it was liquid like-a little pool in it-would you drink that.a liquid pool of water of waa terr ho ho you fuck off.

    day 7.oh the pain is too much.meditating didnt work but then thats a cod anyway.did i walk into anypubs and talk like an american pornstar.mmm ill have a pint,so good mmh.not so much a joke as a stupid statement.that could have gone either way.

    day 9.are you in hospital or something you must have nothing to do.
    day 8.
    day123458465826382365832652365
    only part youll remember is that last line.it actually as a weird habbit of popping up at the moment of orgasm.you can destroy a persons sex life by telling at the moment of orgasm they should think of that there is a tiny pool of water in their head or a h i dont want to do that i dont have the heart oh castles of sand are castellan i didnt do that blah blah blah blah i wish i was jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj they dont have tha-well i dont even have a phone so who knows what going on but the have a thing now they can replace your sim card ah i do not care about said event ortho.

    that was atrocious.day 100r.
    ive decided to give up on life donate my body to science what are you doing with cadavers give me the dangerous treatment that will kill me fire away.
    can you sell stuff too like a liver-take my heart and my balls but if youdo they gave you a fake ball when they take it out.
    more of it this is the ramblings of a lunatic now this is.shame for shame.not addressing the point of anything.just hands back and forth well ugh time is about four my life is slowly ending and white does not suit me.i wonder what i owe xtra vision-i wonder but i dont care a new found sense of there is no word for this.am i hungover?i am i believe-my old memories sre no use to me now-sex the few times-if anyone describes sex as fumblings they ll die-theres no fumbling when dan is around hi-oh dan wow etc.you must have pracritsed so many times on some pillow with another pillow in it for an arse ha ha ha!ah good that cheered me up.

    i pity to fools that wont want to read this-fuck them let them off merchants fucker cow people in the country or whatever.farmers.yeah i hate them the robbing how do they harvest grass i want to know the grass seeds how are they extracted and thats all really.disaster the pain that just flowed out into my head is not that bad when you think it could be a puck in the nose with is a sore dose-i did it there and it terrified me-i saw a fly one time but when it turned around it was done up in such a way that it looked like two eyes-i actually cried a bit after that or if anyweird spider shows up on the internet thats chilling but them im happy to let them walk around the house-here spider an aold bit of jam for you there my man-do you like wating flies i wonder how your belly works-on fucking believealble this is a demented now really it is.demented.

    ah little flashes of light in my eyesthe back pain is coming thatll be ferocious later so it will.the weather could be having a powerful effect on my mind like,suicide is a bit much.

    how much of what goes through your mind is rubbish?like what percent id say-well i havent clue now that i think of it-i couldnt estimate but id say i dont know.id say i would actually admit to owning up to not knowing that.also the einstein stuff i have tried id say five or ten times to figure that fucker out.is that the special or general theory you say-well 1 is about time i know that-right go on .

    where was i,thats the first comma!anyway where oh yeah the train of thought goes round and round everyone in town knows me-literally everyone imagine that for a second theyd say whos your man-sure you him-oh yeah right thats true yeah okay i have to stop heat is overpowering me fainting is on the cards.fainting the ball whats that again whereby you feint is it the ball.

    oh day line hour fave .a revierw of the last few paragraphs yes those are called paragrabhs you imbecile.

    a lot of talk about being hungover wait my spirit is leaving me again.a reviewer would call this ambitious muddled up itself by turns-by turns oh no sorry you can fuck off back to wherever they say by turns.no out.you had enough.not today im not allowed to serve you.serve this basho.and i go on-back out of shape looking into the eyes of women like a madman.did you like that?i liked the madman bit yes-you can see i know-i know you hai(sorry but thats probably how to spell hai)aaagh.life oh life oh liiife oh life i wake yp and toast.theres a pop song now and its called heartbreaker your one says cake-do you want cake or something-isee that thought was from this morning when i woke up happy but well you can see this mental deterioration just a slump an an what i dont even know an anorak hai an anorak hi in that instance im delighted to say.

    the time i went to an aa meeting.my mouth was like dan finnegans!not a word-oh right how am i supposed to know him-not a bleat a gug (careful youre on foolish ground)
    oh it was hot in my head that day-a pain in the head up to the top of my head lurid heat-i think i hear adele get her off please-tiesto at 2.30 in the day when you come back from your fag tiesto bon jovi shit like that.but it was all this thank you for shring with us id like to welcome our new member-that was at do i have the radio on ill go up and check.

    i could have left it there but no.
    i fanasised about a fart there so magnificent it yould have made my day but not to be.anyway well iron yout the question of how many thoughts in a day-the pulse method(i know i can feel it)feel what fuck off ah im tender ill stop its bad)

    so what thoughts is dan having now at the moment.you can do this is your at thebeach or on the moon honesty is called for and respect prpbably.
    lets see how many thoughts in a minute and couln them-then perhaps search for a pattern or meaning.
    on second thoughts lets not.

    tears are in my eyes its a long hundrum pattern the enotmity of my achievement is a worry.
    death as in life.
    pool.
    ireland is too hot is this our summer.a blast of hot air on holidays.i am never boring.i am feeling shame.an hour of this on the leaving cert-oh you think?no.

    delete god thats weird there is loads of blue numbers on my keyboard theyre on look jkluio thats 123456 as well.as well is to words btw.how do i feel about text speak well i suppose id have to say i couldnt give a shit.
    ranting is this trolling now then like.

    day ten my phone gone ipod gone rent drank.barred from half the town too.
    how many people will still be reading this far down.
    not many id say noone in the world.nobody its kind off like limmys tweets well/

    day 13for help press F1 16;44

    why dont you have a shower youll feel powerfull after it tight trousers are the way to a womans heart like mick jagger or russell brand but men will hate you ans thatll be it

    this is my normal stste am i ever happy these are par for the course thoughts dynu.

    sweating there is only silence now.the fridge is not even turned on.give that man a free sandwich he is drinking for his art.i actually half velieve that thats what the dole does to you it makes you feel smart but useless.castleisland has only 13 pubs and one of them is in a pitch and putt course it has nothing going for it i will never drink there again.killarod is slicker but i dont like it and listowel had women behind id say every bar i did not kow what to make of that now at all at all.caherciveen is a small town too it has one dog rough pub so in i went and the rest of them are pubs that could be in most places.no nor will i.another adventure like that which is called a bender will not be for another year i dont think.i make it around ten days on the lash
    its never ten
    ten id say
    im sorry i wont do that ever again
    and look at the poverty of expression reams of shit talk and stuff about auld bodily functions and more of it.my back is where all the pain is on the left and i think thats where you liver is.im not a doctor.i need to sleep or something needs to happen god i hate twitter whay am i ranting.

    mad im mad amdam im mad oh smiley
    there is no food in this house.what is food.
    if i opened my mouth i would scare myself.
    and bloomsday was yesterday well it passed me by entirely.

    i stopped there for about ten mins to do some jigsaw stuff it is fair to say most people havent a clue but they weill all communicate.

    interlude.life it has no meaning we bring this impoverished lifelss hate beak pints

    this is so hard to do this carry on pints
    pints pints pints pints pints pints a nice word to type.is pints.
    no drama today yesterday was full of stuff

    different thoughts you know thatd be on your mind nice gestures you could afford to make then chaos come nine o clock.matsuo basho come here i want you etc.

    less and less to say.

    kerouac a strange solitary catholic mystic because he found it hard to get his hole.
    elt like i was like jesus around the town bringing love and wisdom and kinbdness to the pubs.
    gideon gideon gideon-that happened.
    actually now i deleted the lasy ten mins of this by accident and itll just look worse so what ill do is try editing which will undoubtedly be a first for me.i nsay undoubtedly because thelast three times i deleted everything i couldnt go back it might as well have been something i said but in someone elses head.good way to deal with the pain mind you is this.writing rubbish at various speedscounsellor.yesterday.some sort of format again picking up and no gone again.a voice like a canary but i honestly only saw that for the first time and day two started on less and less to say you must know all that.

    this probbably isnt dememnted anymore i mean its not grounds for insanity-now hi i read it fine i read all of it.even the bits you speedreaded?yeah yeah yes.i would like to meet this man-its personal enough.it is and it drags(it drags geddit?)no it actually drags parts are really boring and bad is the only word.(what about worse)do you know what a bracket is.cok) DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS!oh lucky.lucky the dog.winding down now back to bead once i get around to a shower and making contact with rotw.will i want my tea-ho ho ho you monkey!my tea you say.hmmmm.

    i kmust type this onto eoinbutler.coms wall.why though.why?why hy?
    jnow what i want for this?money
    what boy?
    i said money i said.
    you’re not getting money for your ramblings you’re a lunatic.

    crestfallen now-oh day two oh boys o boys a bird
    Enough!enough if this shit my eyes are on pain the whole thing is just stupid doggerel is all it is
    ha?
    thats all i have to say on the matter.
    let me count the ways like.
    there are a few interested parties out there though
    im not sure i dont think so.
    i read everything by the guy do you want to hear about proust
    Proost or prowst
    dont dan no-dont know we’ve all read the best of myles and what ever the thing where hes in bed.so what i read all of them.and theres plenty more like you where that came from at the headbangers ball.
    its all coming back to me.who said that!
    the egal itarian has landed-the egal proust anyway was lying in bed and well thinking of all the people who are going off early to hospital for the day.its a direct quote.

    well ive managed to confuse myself.part two the lesser.dans travails with opp sex fairer fine women etc.
    have to cater for the birds somehow like.
    dans dream women would be not unlike him in many ways nice face nice smile nice body.
    a good women to speak up when something is on telly along(this is tragic-mmhm)
    along the lines off huh this guy is on again what a spiv orwhaterver shell say and ill say spiv oh thats a good one how about you make me a sandwich there or ill go to the shoip and get something.or whatever i notice you never want to do anything anyway only sit around AND GIVE OUT ABOUT THE NEWS AND WHATEVER ELSE YOU DO WHILE IM GONE-BY THE WAY I CAN SMELL IT.
    caps lock went on there by accident-or it could have been a strange force.anyway thats all i want.
    sure dan thats most women they’re all like that-have you money.no i said i didnt.well if you did you could pick one of them birds up easy enough,ah yeah-imagine if you had serious money though.
    go on.
    ah man cocaine big fucking paintings buying cars buying her dresses jewels imagine the women you could pick up then.
    wow.
    yeah thered be no watching the auld telly then would there?there would in my foot as the fella says(in my what)off to cannes for the film festival see if you can get her into i dunno whatever.
    wow,bazookas dune buggys
    ahh ha?stop what?bazookas and dune buggys-what boy(i do think its funny its sort of funny anyway its four out of ten funny jesus christ alright like)
    mary mallow like sarah silverman-fuck off missus
    julybabes18 i like twavellein i like that book and keira nightly is in it i think they are being harvested for brains or some shit and they all did-i dont know maybe knightly escapes with her beau-couldnt.give.less.oh.afuck.
    whatamidoingheresharleen 27 limerick i like socialising-i like going out shaz i wouldnt call it socialising though
    mary wicklow-wicklow!
    i like o.brien nagcopellen and joyce((not you edna sit down)james there’s a seat there-we commissioned it for you actually-hmm sit away yes)and many more-that sounds like the woman from ted-kerrisht almaighte-no no no.
    this is a terrible state of affairs i quit this malarkey anyway.

    nearly all done.
    tea again on toilet then a brief shower and wash all the brie out from under myself.

    do you want to see a t-shirt?
    go on sure you dont seem to have any idea of what abberrant behaviourthis is(correct a word and ill brain you btw)
    who did you say that to
    oh just noone really just abberant abberant you know?
    go on keep going but i may as well tell you that in all ireland there are four people who would keep this up.
    hai!
    mind that horse in the river hai.
    yeah.
    no.
    ok-of the tshirt ah well leave it off another while.

    eoin?
    yes dan?
    when you saw this comment what did you think did you go ho ho ho and then realise its about as many words as i dont know how many words
    -word count
    theres no word count on it.
    oh right.
    but ahm.
    so you had a rough week of it so you had.
    ah i did man sure its all documented no anyway.
    fpound a box of fags there.
    you wont have to buy them.

    ten past three of the saturday now this is.
    gogol i read gogol for the first time this morning it reminded me of this and it made my day.
    tl;dr
    not serving you.
    no danny i dont want a book off you.
    im going to bulgaria in two weeks oh thats nice youll enjoy that.
    rehab where according to colin farrell everyone is actively trying to improve their life.
    reality/illusion.
    women like confidence.
    they dont want their friends to know.
    (thats what im thinking too)

    dear dan.
    i read your long comment on eoin butlers site the other day and i enjoyed it.
    we would like to give you fifty euros a week.
    thanks lads and bye.

    by the way
    by the way is shit.
    ho ho so it is.

    i would like to put a nice smyllie on your face
    -is your sister coming!

    its nearing the end now-the end
    the dearth of man.
    the start of another trip to bed on a cool morning with light in the window and myles in my bed
    thats a bit
    well-so what if it is.
    people
    notice i did not reference any songs this time.
    yeeaaahhh

    tell me-when did you know you were a man?
    hmmm,(second comma)thats a strange and unwelcome thought provoking but ultimately unhelpful question.
    flann o brien the man who write his own comments.
    the fiend just doesnt get it.if you were to track my mood on a graph-can you do that actually
    …-….-…_____’– __
    its a very hot day here in town.very hot.i might throw some shoes in the bin.
    i have to stop
    impulse control thats what i want no you have had enough you have pushed your luck enough etc.
    drunk is impossible to describe the other drugs are easy writing is like haveing a sweet in your mouth cocaine is like snuff in that your head is seized and you are in possession of the worlds biggest dick and heroin is like a very long orgasm indeed and smoking is sort of relaxing and i think i might be depressed
    here we go sheesh you other people will want to stop now theres nearly an hours reading in this and where are the jokes nothing is funny its like looking at a painting or something i mean i want a ella to fall into a lake or something
    yeah dan how about a sonnet next time instead of this toilets norton prufuck ballsjob of a thing.
    well maybe its a good thing a bit of reading like the fallk by camus you might fell the same way too.
    nausea is all im getting by.
    see that ypour falling into the rubberbandits trap of juxtaposing the fuck out of everything and saying things like ayrton senna five weeks before the cut off point.thats not cricket.
    when were you at your coolest dan?
    when people see me for the irst time.
    whats supposed to mean i meaan april 2007-that night jean simmons was getting his hole or something-thats what we mean.
    ahm?
    well
    im thinking.
    i suppose
    i dont know really
    well its a hard question so dont make a balls out of it this is like a good question for you now.
    yeah dan
    who said that
    im the other person reading this i live in sligo my name is threv–or jon-es.
    nice to have you along trev-that sounds like a fake name
    ugh
    we have you now.
    ye do!wait.
    just one time when you felt cool
    one time
    any time at this stage now dan
    ok
    when you say something cool to your friend
    like what
    like well dad i always thought you were fairly cool the car and the whole lot.
    thats nice more than cool
    it is really.
    do you like people
    do i like them?
    not the majority of people but special people who you like are there any people you see and think youd like to know them?
    taht i dont already know
    mhmm
    rarely i suppose on telly there would be a few
    leave that off youll undoubtedly have klifted all those from someone else
    yeah.
    thats about it now for another while
    okay
    by dan
    bye

    god fuck off.
    anyway back to me.
    i have to print this now at this stage dont i.ah.boys o boys.the fair thing to do would be edit out the misspellings.
    nearly there now.nearly finished.im glad i managed to get that last bit in.really am fairly tired of this myself.
    long day.have to wash-dreading it.the electric razor on my face with a food few days growth on it.
    whay dont you grow a beard
    whay dont i what
    sorry ill shut up
    please do
    titter
    what did you say
    i said titter
    well dont blame me.
    mhmm

    paragraph break.rain stops play revor something-terry butchers head mush mush mush.
    shush shush shuhsh.shepards bush.yeah right.shepards bush.bush bush bush.
    what am i thinkimng right now.

    okay thats it over as the fella says.next time well go for elegance and correct and more logical and less thinking.

    god this is fairly hard work.
    justify my love
    for gatt
    yeah
    elmer fudd and black puddy wuddy
    end of the rope
    poor tom
    end
    over and out
    for the rest of the day i would like to think clrearly and a shower shave maybe a cycle and see a girl share a cigarette but i dont like that mmany.
    black teribitha
    wonder what that is
    dont know dont care
    im here forever folks
    thats a good two days writing so it is imagine a real book it takes the fools years.

    daisy knew in her heart.
    the sky was a lovely colur the clouds up top were tiny and moving quickly.
    once is enough i say.
    once there was a time in anatolia/china/america hark ceylan
    whats your mans name

    sergio leone fod i would have enjoyed figuring his name out for a couple of hours.george formby took me a night one time about twenty messages all gone now.

    live
    a lesser man would quit now-are their lesser men though really?no drink till i can pay my rent
    embrace the torment
    bye now.bye
    hand = 5 x ahm

    aaot

  2. whats the longest alias possible on this i was thinking JMSE after the crowd in croke park but i'm not sure.this is ferociously long story indeed my i say at the outset i enjoyed your piece too.piece.ah yeah this is probably too long.anyway.so what like.i Says:

    the pope often said it himself this is all very appropriate.im off.a glasheen do the dishes or something.

  3. Eoin Says:

    You’ve fairly upped the ante on the ‘guilty but insane’ front, Dan. Don’t really know what else to tell you.

  4. whats the longest alias possible on this i was thinking JMSE after the crowd in croke park but i'm not sure.this is ferociously long story indeed my i say at the outset i enjoyed your piece too.piece.ah yeah this is probably too long.anyway.so what like.i Says:

    a fast reader this shower will be like a scene from psycho.im off now,its more insane than anything i have no guilt.thats mad.i have to stop.i read that myself there.fairly weird behaviour alright
    see the nice shirt
    http://imgur.com/gallery/Xjblq
    i cant stay talking.i have to wash.i feel more silly than insane.nice shave and a scrub and take care of a few other things like teeth.maybe i am insane maybe just a langer.a langer geddit-no.pronounced like angel-no-still dont.fine.leaving the house will be a tremendous chore too.and the gogol references should give me some leeway.i might kidnap a harem of women and rob a bank.like charlie manson.he was insane.mental illness is horrible it should be wiped off the face of the planet.drinking is kind of insane too.my beloved glances.adios.cat at ete it was a vous la pen.send send send money!

  5. Naomi Says:

    Did you really drink the rent?

  6. harem of women Says:

    Dan+Alias=Daedulus.

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2009/may/06/elvis-bono-poem

    According to John Sutherland there’s an inverse relationship between respect for correct use of capital letters and parataxis. Maybe Dan is Bono?

  7. Eoin Says:

    Back at my computer now. Dan’s first comment was 5,038 words long. That’s a lot longer than the longest article on here. (Probably the Auschwitz one.)

  8. whats the longest alias possible on this i was thinking JMSE after the crowd in croke park but i'm not sure.this is ferociously long story indeed my i say at the outset i enjoyed your piece too.piece.ah yeah this is probably too long.anyway.so what like.i Says:

    only have yourself to blame youve created a monster,do i detect a note of sarcasm and btw wtf is parataxis-thurn und taxis-was harry dean stanton in it-he was gas in inland empire,remember himself and jeremy irons and the tea.
    sure where else would i get away with this only here,or want to,a monster is right(i hate you dylan moran i remember a quote about the men in the cast of friends).it was your style and flanns and a few more.philosophically astute-an undeniable air of will i get my hole off this-namedropping goodo no regard for fools what else bertrand russell’s quote that chompsky has on his wall-that’s you man.you act like they forgot about dre-naht_abit.if dan is bono then eoin is the soundest man on the internet.fuckin hell.look man i just called myself bono.theres one other thing i want to say but can’t.mac illroy.
    here look save you a job
    http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/b/bertrandru108745.html
    internet is all links at the end of the day.

  9. whats the longest alias possible on this i was thinking JMSE after the crowd in croke park but i'm not sure.this is ferociously long story indeed my i say at the outset i enjoyed your piece too.piece.ah yeah this is probably too long.anyway.so what like.i Says:

    “Mac” Illroy,sheesh some people-all i do and this is the thanks i get.when i set up shop at my new blog-oh are you moving?no.how is the jig saw going-nearly all four edges started.okay i didnt ak that may I say.Ad’s featuring me at the moment.one anything with jane austen,andrea arnold or either of the scarletts.am i serious?am i serious?am i deliberate?2.50 Doncaster Bad Boy get on it

    i’ll go on prince’s concert and an ad for paco rabanoe.thats two of them.and the old el paso ad.
    this is groundbreaking stuff.i want presents an accumulator.i got life aint god no money aint got no job aint got no tits only bits.
    stop dan stop there,youre a good man but stop there please.oh so its aliright for someone else so is it.sit beside me on a star if you wake me up tonight.this is it im tired.This is it for Dan.im gone.gone off_abit.fucking nutter_abit.Let me count the ways-death by a thousand cuts.I have gifts.
    I think i am finished now.
    a (t-(tippex), how! praxis taxis
    praxis taxis..i’ll leave you at it.
    it would have been braver to leave it but lets not geothe as the pussycat dolls used say.

    it.
    write it. in script.
    there will be a first prize for the winner.
    bill murray was only ever good in what about bob.
    you know the fella thaat fancis the lead but she has no mass on him,thats right citags.

    Sorry Dan but what gives you that idea?
    just an idea
    don’t flatter yourself.
    fine so i won’t.
    would you like to know what it would be like to be with you?
    No?Shall i explain to you.
    a synopsis
    fire away.it would be like any other fella with no money you would get tired of it,it would get old quick.
    i have some air on my itunes i can go to the shop for whispas.
    wispas and what
    johnnies.
    shall i dance woman
    jhonnies?
    Dan?
    sorry i haven’t a clue.
    you know what i see now-and thats the top few isn’t it,parents bed and a few more.
    i have a woman in mind now i dont even like her
    are we drowing in a world of pornography
    is she as heavy as a dying sun(ibidso)

    i must kill off this dan fella and all the other characters

    day 1 life
    oh friends let me count the ways and let me tell you what happened just before molly bloom at 17
    (this is nice isn’t it-yes i am enjoying it too)
    gogol is looking at me in the bed,sweet says i.

    ah theres nothing
    what colour is this stuff
    well what colour is the room
    did you ever read john updike theres a great description of ice and a good bit when he comes to his mistress and tells her he created her and the sun and the stars.
    i didnt dan thats just showing off for the sake of it it doesnt suit you.
    what people do i not like.
    creeps,men in girls schools i was going to take a job like that but didnt.
    ive had enough of this whole thing now.dont care the slightest bit anymore.
    how about that sonnet dan?

    a 12 line poem abba cddc ee,well thats what youll get because im not looking it up,i havent time to check,how long are the lines,nevergoing to give you up,oh has it started !?!has it.ah.this relationship drone is over.

    men are tricky their friends that is.who are so few
    playing games and annoying each other
    it is all picked up when you get a brother
    but often it is worth it voire avec vous

    oh it has as youll be stuck
    i have fuck all interest in this
    Phelim MacIoniomaire and Donal Skehan
    you are both in for a ferocious beating

    ill bounce one pool ball off both your heads
    how do you play lives.

    ive been spreading his word far and wide,far & wide
    so much travel,for him.
    ive been working in radio
    so much,so much
    is going to happen

  10. whats the longest alias possible on this i was thinking JMSE after the crowd in croke park but i'm not sure.this is ferociously long story indeed my i say at the outset i enjoyed your piece too.piece.ah yeah this is probably too long.anyway.so what like.i Says:

    whats going on here im dans mother and i iron his shirts

    mouths agape they literallly cannot take it
    this is too weird,im not reading any more
    i pity the guy
    i have only about four registers of shock and this has gone far to far
    gogol more like xogol,i dunno because i have a small immagination too
    well..dan tells me
    is he doing that in a voice
    it was all well and good ridiculing our beliefs but this is well weird
    its well weird,well weird.
    proper weird.yeah.

    i will never write again.
    back you go to
    i think its better if you dont,this call and response stchick is freaking me out
    its freaking me out too i agree.hold me
    yeuch

    bankers..
    bankers..
    no its too much all too much
    bankers have the country ruined a small caball of
    i cant take it.

  11. under the bridge | we got both kinds, rap and bullshit Says:

    [...] Read the comments. [...]

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