Eoin Butler: writer, journalist and Mayoman of the Year

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I (won’t be) your private dancer, dancer for money etc. etc.

stripper
Received an interesting phone call last Friday afternoon. A club owner I know, a good guy, got in touch to let me know that he’s started putting on a regular burlesque show. “There’s been a real upsurge in the number of male burlesque performers lately,” he said. “And, well, you can probably see where I’m going with this…” I told him that, no, I had absolutely no idea where he was going with this. So he spelled it out for me and I listened. Well, lets just say, the phrase ‘rolling on the floor laughing’ gets bandied about a lot these days. But, for once, I think it genuinely applies here. Bent double in my kitchen, it would probably have appeared, to a nosy neighbour, that I was having a seizure. Luckily, I composed myself long enough to request that he submit the idea in writing for my consideration. Because I reckoned no one would believe me otherwise:

From: [club owner]
to: Eoin Butler
date: Tue, Feb 9, 2010 at 5:15 PM

Hi Eoin,

Thanks again for taking my call last week. Here’s a recap on what we were discussing.

We have a monthly burlesque event on here called the… There are quite a few other events of that style that take place, but this is the most consistent and most popular.

It dawned on me then that we could put together a great piece… where a male journalist (your good self)… could undergo some training in one of the Burlesque schools and then give a performance here.

The performance options are limitless. To begin with, it should be pointed out that the performances do not need to entail the removing of clothing. There are many acts who would instead do something more comical or theatrical and still go down very well. You could perform as a drag queen, with a female journalist perhaps performing as a drag king. There are many fun ways we could approach it.

If you have any questions whatsoever, give us a hollar.

Many thanks,

Sadly, I had to decline this exciting offer. I may not believe in God or anything, but I’m still a Catholic boy at heart. And besides, the world just isn’t ready. Believe me, the world just isn’t ready for what I got going on…

February 10th, 2010.

12 Responses to “I (won’t be) your private dancer, dancer for money etc. etc.”

  1. Lisa Says:

    Ahahaha. In some sort of global synergic gender reversal, all these events would have coincided with the ladies of Rossland discussing who of our male acquaintances would turn up if we posted an ad on the community website announcing auditions for a male strip troupe. F*ck it, it’s a ski-town with a huge gender disparity where every second guy is on EI (the dole) for the winter and out for a quick buck. And they’re not exactly the shy retiring types either.

    We touted various names around – “oh yah, he would for sure”, “hmm, maybe after a few drinks” – until one of the guys involved complained that we were just objectifying them all.

    “Don’t you worry your pretty little face about that” I cooed and patted him on the cheek.

  2. El Kid Says:

    Haha..do it Butler. Shake that money maker!

  3. Sinead Says:

    Do you think you could be swayed if he promised you could keep the nipple tassels?

  4. fiona Says:

    I think someone needs to explain you the differnce between burlesque and stripping. No one is going to be stuffing dollars down your briefs.

  5. Eoin Says:

    @ Lisa/EK/Sinead – don’t objectify me!
    @ Fiona – now I feel like doing it, just to prove you wrong…

  6. fiona Says:

    Well there are no euro notes Eoin so it would have to be coins…?

  7. Eoin Says:

    Okay, but no one euro coins – only twos.

    (Only tangentially related – I remember going to mass with my mother shortly before the euro came in. The priest was saying that the changeover was going to really screw over the church, since people who normally gave £1 might now only give €1.

    To prevent the church being screwed over by the changeover he asked that people who used to give £1 from now on give €2 instead. Most people did and all.

    I’m sure the church now regards those as the good old days!)

  8. Colin Says:

    Takes weeks to develop a six pack, takes years to make the keg!

  9. Lisa Says:

  10. Eoin Says:

    @ Colin – sad but true

    @ Lisa – yeah, that’s something like what I had in mind. It’s empowering!

  11. Lisa Says:

    Indeed. It is, I believe, what DH Lawrence was getting in Lady Chatterley’s Lover:

    “What have yer done ter yerselves, wi’ the
    blasted work? Spoilt yerselves. No need to work that much. Take yer
    clothes off an’ look at yourselves. Yer ought ter be alive an’
    beautiful, an’ yer ugly an’ half dead…But I wouldn’t preach to the men: only strip ‘em an’ say: Look at
    yourselves! That’s workin’ for money!–Hark at yourselves! That’s
    working for money. You’ve been working for money!”

    Literary justification for stripping, penury, taking it handy and left-wing polemic all at once. What’s not to love?

  12. Eoin Says:

    Things I would be more comfortable doing than prancing around in my underwear in front of a roomful of strangers:

    1. Perform standup comedy with almost no material prepared (this has happened)
    2. Have my mother read an article in which I pretend to have had anal sex with Mondo from Fair City (ditto)
    3. Perform a minstrel show in blackface.
    4. Perform open heart surgery on a close relative…….

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