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If hating Larry Murphy is wrong, Joe.ie doesn’t want to be right

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Anyone else get the feeling they’re not big fans of Larry Murphy over at Joe.ie? Might be worth dialling it back just a notch, lads…

Larry Murphy’s passport stolen by hooker

Disgusting sex serpent Larry Murphy is back on the prowl in Ireland because his passport was swiped by a hooker after a seedy vice tryst in his covert Spanish lair.

Deviant rapist Murphy sneaked off to Spain after being released from prison and has been hiding out in a clandestine den ever since.

However, according to reports in The Irish Sun, the grimy beast was forced to snake his way back into Ireland and lay in wait for a replacement passport – because his old one was snatched by a hooker he lured to his sex pest nest.

The sick degenerate animal’s hideaway plot was forced into the open when he had to report the theft of the passport to Spanish police.

Reports say that the Costa Brava police had no idea they had a vile depraved beast in their midst until the theft prompted them to check his details with Europol.

The Beast of Baltinglass was believed to have been working odd jobs around the area until the prossie pilfered his stuff after the sordid sex session.

June 2nd, 2011.

13 Responses to “If hating Larry Murphy is wrong, Joe.ie doesn’t want to be right”

  1. Storkboy Says:

    The work of true stylists. The very apex of hyperbolic description, I am in awe and would like to know how to write at such a pure and sustained pitch.

  2. Joe Says:

    Oops. Should have said his revolting passport of evil.

  3. Dan Says:

    This is real? I was SURE it was a piss take.

  4. Áine Says:

    “sex pest nest” – sounds itchy.

  5. Darragh Says:

    Jealousy Eoin. Pure jealousy. You couldn’t push the realms of hyperbole like that if you tried kid! (Prove me wrong if you think you can!)

  6. Robert Says:

    My village had the misfortune to be tied up in this nonsense. It inspired me to write this edition of my parody local paper…
    http://riverchapelpost.wordpress.com/2010/08/20/issue-53-the-larry-murphy-controversy/

  7. Eoin Says:

    @ Darragh – Mr Coakley, my skin crawls to read your revolting comment of idiotic self-delusion and genocide, issued from your covert workstation of human filth and degradation. The challenge is met, sir. The ball is in your court.

  8. Shane Breslin Says:

    Hi Eoin, guys.

    Shane here from joe.ie. Thanks for taking an interest.

    Part of what we’re trying to put in place is a tone of voice which marks us out from the rest of the web. It’s a tricky business, and I’m not suggesting we get it just right all of the time. Often I believe we do, sometimes we might put a toe over the mark.

    In this instance, the nature of the descriptions of Larry Murphy was certainly not accidental.

    Maybe we could tone it down in future, maybe consciously hauling ourselves back from describing him in such terms would be a concession to a decency he hardly deserves, or maybe the very act of going OTT undermines our position by partially exonerating him, even on a minimal or subconscious level.

    Anyway, we’re always trying to improve what we do and the way we do it, and hopefully on this occasion nobody’s taste was too offended that they won’t come back.

    Thanks again.

    Shane Breslin
    Editor, JOE.ie

  9. Pluck Says:

    A toe over the mark??? Hell, it even manages to extend his evil intent to passports: notice that he “lay in wait” for his replacement. He must be one deviant, depraved,vile, sick, degenerate, sick, beastly grime, disgusting…

  10. Eoin Says:

    @ Shane – The barbarity of what Larry Murphy did, and is suspected of having done, speaks for itself. Not sure he has to slither and leer at every turn for us to get the point. But anyway, I was only slagging.

    @ Pluck – I should say that the comment left by “Joe” above was from someone with the email address “joe@duffy.ie” i.e. not anyone from Joe.ie.

  11. Shane Breslin Says:

    @ Eoin,

    I appreciate you were only slagging, but there was a valid point behind the banter so I was happy to try to answer it.

    “Try” being the key word in that sentence…

  12. Darragh Says:

    Okey-dokey…

    Headline:
    SICK SEX BEAST BUTLER STANDS UP FOR DEVIANT VILE-O-RAPIST MURPHY.

    Content:
    Mad Mayo Man Eoin Butler has STOOD UP for LOATHSOME SEX BEAST Baltinglass-born Larry Murphy in a SCATHING attack on Joe.ie.

    In an unprecedented attack that left his readers STUNNED, the BOFFIN from Ballyhunis:
    - CLAIMS that joe.ie are going too far!
    - DEFENDS Murphy’s leering and slithering!
    - SLAGS joe.ie staff for reporting on Murphy’s twisted lifestyle!

    A source close to the “Reporter” stated “Eoin was really upset at the use of hyperbole. He said that if there’s one thing that he can’t stand, it’s hyperbole against evildoers. That and homosexuals. And minorities”.

  13. Rob Carry Says:

    How’s things lads,

    I wrote the above news report so I best chip in. Basically, Dan and Shane (above) are of course right – it’s a piss-take.

    Myself and another colleague were discussing the ludicrously over-the-top terminology being used in the tabloids when they covered the return of vile disgusting sex beast predator Larry Murphy and I just thought it would be interesting to do a parody rather than a straight up news piece.

    I kind of liked the way the red-top media had decided Larry doesn’t walk – he sneaks. Larry doesn’t have a house – he has a lair.

    Writing obvious turbo-hyperbole isn’t quite as easy as you might suppose, so maybe it wasn’t entirely clear that it was a wind-up. That said, ‘sex pest nest’ should’ve given it away, surely!

    Cheers for highlighting it anyway Eoin, and good stuff on the blog.

    Rob Carry.

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