Eoin Butler: writer, journalist and Mayoman of the Year

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READERS LETTERS

mailbag-2Dear Eoin,

I’ve never been lucky in love. My first husband Michael was great with the kids and the sex was fantastic. But one day he ran off with my best friend Tracy and stole all our money.

Then I found new love with Dan. He was great with the kids and the sex was fantastic. But he ran off with my brother-in-law Pete and the contents of my lingerie drawer. Next I met Simon. He’s great with the kids and the sex is fantastic. But now he’s breaking down the front door of our house with a pick axe, screaming that he’s going to kill me

I don’t know where to turn. What should I do?

Kathleen, Galway.

Oh dear, Kathleen. Sounds like you’ve bagged yourself another proper psycho. My free advice leaflet ‘My Psychotic Husband is Trying to Break My Front Door Down and Kill Me’ should help – E.B.

Dear Sir,

Prithee thee and indeed, furthertheless. With reference to Dublin City Council’s orbital traffic routing system, does it not strike your readers as marked that the city’s traffic can be found to mosey hither and tither but nary a wither?

Yours etc.

Geoffrey Willoughby, Rathgar, Dublin 6

My thoughts exactly, Geoffrey – E.B.

Dear Eoin,

Hats off to TV’s Carol Smillie. No matter what life has thrown at her she has always taken it with a smile. Let’s hope she finds happiness with new love Marcus.

H. Oaks, Hertfordshire.

What an odd letter… – E.B.

Dear Eoin,

The other day, my granddaughter Beckie asked me what age I was. I told her that I was so old, I couldn’t remember. She replied, “If you don’t remember Gran, you should check what it says on the back of your knickers. Mine say five to six”.

Mrs Murphy, Tullamore.

Right, so what did your knickers say? Wait, wait, come back… I need closure on this anecdote… ARRRGGHH!!!!! – E.B.

[Sketched outline of an article I was going to write for Mongrel back in the summer of 2007. At the time, we’d just asked the comedian David O’Doherty to do one of our ‘And Finally…’ articles. By coincidence, he came back to us with a Readers Letters thingy, so I abandoned this.]

April 30th, 2009.

9 Responses to “READERS LETTERS”

  1. Jenny Says:

    Dear Eoin

    Will you marry me?

    Jenny

  2. Roscman Says:

    Fuck off back to mayo

  3. Johnnie Says:

    I hope you realise that due to this post (and this comment), you’re now going to be visited by all those “Spanking Carol Smillie” obsessives who keep visiting me. Thanks for sharing the burden.

  4. Eoin Says:

    That’s about as varied a response to a post as I could possibly have expected!

  5. Stephen Says:

    Ah Mongrel.. I remember the piece you did on chess one time. Odd one to remember. Was a very nice article.

  6. Eoin Says:

    Don’t think I wrote a chess article in Mongrel, Stephen. Or maybe I did, God knows what I’m doing half the time. I did write about chess for the Irish Times tho.
    http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/magazine/2008/0510/1210323333759.html

  7. Stephen Says:

    That’s the one…my mistake. In hindsight it maybe wouldn’t have been a very ‘Mongrel’ article.

  8. ben Says:

    eoin,

    it’s funny how you made a name for yourself slagging off the Irish Times, especially the weekend magazine.

    i point to the hilarious “what’s hot, what’s not” mongrel piece and the above letter.

    progress?

  9. FOR ME IS IMPORTANT | Tripping Along The Ledge Says:

    [...] materialise then the blog is likely to be fairly quiet in the mean time (unless of course this Ben guy continues wielding the righteous sword of truth in the comments section.) Anyway, the week promises [...]

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