Santa Claus

Published: Irish Times, December 11 2010

“Say I wear the Christmas jumper to the pub Stephen’s Night. Can you guarantee everyone will think I’m cool and no one will laugh?”

Are you kidding me? If anything, we’re having to warn customers that, if they wear their jumpers to the pub, there is a danger they’ll stolen. It’ll be warm, people will take their jumpers off and they’ll be stolen. That’s literally how in demand these things are. Read the rest of this article here.

They’ve asked me to play Santa Claus… Well, it’s hardly a good sign, is it?

It’s Saturday night and Aidan is down in the dumps. I’m not sure what his problem is. But no doubt he’s going to fill me in. He’s not a man to bottle these things up, that’s for sure. “Would you say I’m getting fat?” he asks, eventually. Read the rest of this article here.

FAITH ALIVE

1. Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery… So should we stone you now or later, Iris Robinson?

2. This lady’s sympathies are with the axe-wielding psychopath… Read the rest of this entry »

Published: Evening Herald, December 2008

Hogan’s

It’s Saturday night and Aidan is down in the dumps. I’m not sure what his problem is. But no doubt he’s going to fill me in. He’s not a man to bottle these things up, that’s for sure.

“Would you say I’m getting fat?” he asks, eventually.

I look him up and down.

“You are fat,” I reply. “I’d say you were getting fatter.” Read the rest of this entry »

“HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED BULIMIA? I HEAR IT WORKS WONDERS…”

It’s Saturday night and Aidan is down in the dumps. I’m not sure what his problem is. But no doubt he’s going to fill me in. He’s not a man to bottle these things up, that’s for sure.

“Would you say I’m getting fat?” he asks, eventually.

I look him up and down.

“You are fat” I reply. “I’d say you were getting fatter.” Read the rest of this entry »