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Faith Alive

1. Jewish rabbinical court sentences dog to death by stoning, on the grounds that he’s the reincarnation of a lawyer who once insulted rabbis.

2. The hierarchy of God’s love. (Via @shanehegarty)

3. In 1978, God changed his mind about black people.

4. “We stand tall…” Scientology power ballad from the late 1980s/early ’90s.

5. Finally, this man (top) should really, really be in jail.

“I keep a careful record of these, since they might one day provide the basis for a plea of Guilty But Insane…”

Dear John Paul,

It is with considerable confusion that I acknowledge receipt of your letter of the 21st.

I am aware that you are the Supreme Head of the Roman Catholic Church and that I write album reviews. What I fail to understand is how this makes us rivals. Read the rest of this article here.

Published: Unpublished, June 2011

The anatomy of a Twitter gaffe

“How do you wake up the President?” asked the online magazine Slate’s official Twitter feed earlier this year. The tweet linked to an old article, describing the elaborate protocols governing when and how a U.S. president is roused from his sleep for an emergency briefing.

It was an interesting piece. Who knew that prior to the Cuban Missile Crisis, the Situation Room was once the Whitehouse bowling alley? On a whim, I retweeted the original question (“How do you wake up the President?”) along with my own tongue-in-cheek suggestion. (“SUPERSOAKERS!!!”) Read the rest of this entry »

David Norris would make a terrible, terrible president

Being president of Ireland is a bit like playing in goal for Barcelona. There isn’t much to do most of the time. But when there is, it’s rather important not to fuck it up. The presidency of Mary McAleese has been exemplary in that respect. She’s been in the job fourteen years. Off the top of my head, I can recall only two things she did in all that time.

In the wake of September 11th 2001, she conveyed Ireland’s heartfelt sympathy to the United States, while also (gently) advocating a restrained, proportionate response to the attacks. Ten years later, during a visit by the British monarch, she delivered one note-perfect speech, and four heroic days of inane chit-chat, on the nation’s behalf. Read the rest of this entry »

Published: Irish Times, 17 May 2008

Ring Them Bells

“We’re a little short on numbers tonight,” laments Ian. “Lesley is on his holidays, Vivian’s gone salsa dancing. I’m not sure where Gayle’s gotten herself to.” Read the rest of this entry »

Published: Mongrel Magazine, February 2006

Not Your Typical Boy

July 17
Help
look i am not joking..will some nice young lady please be my new girlfriend…
i am desperate for comfort.. i am good in the kitchen ,quite tidy
…not particularly a monster in the trouser stakes..
but i do pen the occasional good tune……(please no freaks
…i am willing and capable to be gay but riGht now i would like a LADDDDDDEEEEEEE……X

Read the rest of this entry »

If hating Larry Murphy is wrong, Joe.ie doesn’t want to be right

Anyone else get the feeling they’re not big fans of Larry Murphy over at Joe.ie? Might be worth dialling it back just a notch, lads… Read the rest of this entry »

Sugar Baby Love (1974)

So brilliant. So ridiculous.

Getting away with murder

The late Martin Luther King Jr once wrote that the arc of history is long, but it bends towards justice. He had a point. In the six years since I wrote an article about the men who get away with murder, it’s subjects have been dropping like flies. First Suharto bit the bullet. Then OJ got banged up. Now comes news of the arrest of Radko Mladic.

So basically, if the A-Team are reading this, it might be time to consider investing in a less conspicuous vehicle… Read “Getting Away With Murder”.

Miscellaneous amusing items I come across #55

Ah jeez internet, what kind of heartless bastard do you take me for?