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Dirty Funk? It went that way, mate…

dirty funk
Just a year ago Steve Appleton stood on the brink of megastardom. DJs spun him. Whole clubs dug him. And entire musical genres melded in his wake. Twelve months later, The Appletizer is stuck in a (dirty) funk. His only scheduled performance of 2010 is an £8, over-14s show later this month at The Bush in Shepards Bush (which may, or may not, be the same place Del Boy sources Trevor Francis tracksuits.) So where did it all go wrong? On the face of it, Appleton had it all. He had the looks. The chops. The all-important five-star review from bonkers online magazine Female First. Hell, for four glorious weeks he was even big in Japan. But somewhere along the way, it just didn’t work out for the guy.

Show business is a fickle industry. And certainly these damning excoriations of his music, the first written by myself, the second, and more hilarious, by my friend Mark, can’t have helped either. (To this day, people leave comments accusing Mark and myself of being jealous of Appleton’s talent. Why? Just because our own attempt to fuse funk, chillout and drum n’ base – Funkstain – also ended in failure? Phh… That has nothing to do with it!)

Subsequent to all that, his drummer got in touch to take issue with some of the things we’d written.

The good news today is that green shoots of recovery are finally appearing. Two new songs recently appeared on the singer’s MySpace page. The first, entitled My Little Girlfriend, suggests Appleton may finally have found love, possibly with a small child or a dwarf. The other is a number he likes to call Music Made a Man of Me. (Come off it, son. Sealing the deal with that hot girl in the Dirty Funk video made a man of you. Music played, at best, a supporting role.)

The 20-year-old has also recently started Twitting. Sample tweet:

Who says you can’t mix a little acoustic with a little disco in the same record? To play safe is not play.

This is the Steve we know and love. So chin up, bruv. Get back on the horse. As wise man one said: The funk don’t stop, it just moves away.

P.S. HOLY SHIT! Colin just informs me that Steve has his own television pilot! On the internet! And he performs Dirty Funk at the beginning of each episode! (Oh, and it appears to have been edited by a drunk five-year-old…)

March 4th, 2010.

16 Responses to “Dirty Funk? It went that way, mate…”

  1. gueuleton Says:

    It’s “from a Mush in Shepherd’s Bush”.

  2. Adrian Says:

    is it a year already?

    I fucking love this guy.

  3. Colin Says:

    Only 6 fans have signed up so far to go see him at that London gig. Guess you won’t be getting as much groupie abuse, Eoin.

    In other news, the jammy git continues his quest for fame and has launched an internet music chat show, even went and made a pilot. He got some legitimate guests but the real star is Steve, who cause it’s his show gets to sings two songs – steveappleton.blip.tv

    Guess the funk can’t take a hint and fuck off.

  4. eno Says:

    Steeevooo

  5. ger Says:

    Bah. The video has gone from the original post.

  6. Eoin Says:

    @ Adrian – not quite, but close enough!

    @ Colin – how do you find these things out. I spent at least twenty minutes Googling the guy yesterday and I never heard about this.

    @ Ger – curses, you’re right. And that was the best part!

  7. Peter Says:

    Gutted the original video is gone. That was the best part. Bit where he was playing football was physical comedy of the highest order.

  8. Eoin Says:

    My favourite part was… every time he opened his mouth, I think.

  9. Peter Says:

    Anyone else disappointed that he doesn’t do anything twattish in his show?

  10. eno Says:

    Clearly you didn’t watch it the whole way through

  11. Eoin Says:

    Get that man a football! Must admit, I also preferred him before his youthful effervescence had been crushed.

  12. Colin Says:

    @Everyone: To help you remember the good times, here’s Steve Appleton performing a cover of Kings of Leon’s “Use Somebody” as he plays basketball:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Boe7dXp6deE

    Think of how many times he made each increasingly difficult shot just so he could look cool.

    P.S. I blame Eoin for Sony handing down an ordeer that he act less twattish to reach European Audiences.

  13. Eoin Says:

    Definitely worth watching for the basketball shots at the end. The old magic is still there, Stevie!

  14. graham Says:

    Love this. Steve you are a legend. The basketball prowess only proves it even more!!

  15. Denise Says:

    I say we should bring SA to Ireland. Even if he doesn’t sell out Whelans we can make our money back pimping him out as a basketball trainer :)

  16. Darragh Says:

    Build ‘em up and knock ‘em down eh Butler? You and your Mate Mark have ruined a budding career before it even took off. For yucks. God help ye both.

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