Eoin Butler: writer, journalist and Mayoman of the Year
Tripping Along The Ledge
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THINK I’M GONNA BE SICK…
A CUP OF TEA. A bowl of corn flakes. Two slices of brown toast with margarine and honey . . . If someone had asked me on the tarmac what I ate for breakfast this morning, I doubt I’d have been able to recall. Hurling upside down through a bank of clouds at 250 miles per hour, though, I can recount every tiny detail, from the brand name of the margarine, to the expiration date on the milk… Read the rest of this article.
April 2nd, 2009.
April 2nd, 2009 at 12:07 pm
“The reason I’m not wearing a helmet was because there wasn’t one in the entire airfield big enough to fit my head. That’s not a joke.”
I feel your pain. I’m in possession of a cranium so massive that bits of paper and other office detrius have been known to take flight and orbit me.
April 2nd, 2009 at 12:28 pm
If it’s a massive head-off you’re looking for Alan – when I was born the midwife handed me to my mother and said (this is true) “Wow, I’ve never seen one with such a massive head!”
Beat that!
April 2nd, 2009 at 1:12 pm
My head is so big when it sits around the house, it really sits around the housse. ha!
April 2nd, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Beat that? In my sleep!
One time I slipped and fell down the stairs of my house here in Cork and, for all extents and purposes, broke my fall with my head.
There I was at the bottom of the stairs feeling a bit woozy, so being a bit of a Cautious Kyle, I go to the doctor who in turn has me sent for an X Ray in the next few days.
After the X Ray of my skull was complete the doctor came in and started off the diagnosis with the following sentence (and this is pretty much verbatim),”Have you ever heard of a thing called a Neanderthal?” and finished with “What you have there is much like that episode of the Simpsons where Homer had an extra thick skull that protected his head like a helmet.”
It’s a gift and a curse. So it’s like, yeah, I’m invincible but then my debs photograph looks like a girl standing next to the planet Jupiter in hired suit.
April 2nd, 2009 at 7:59 pm
When I was in Peru I went to this massive market in this tiny Quechuan village that wasn’t accessable by road. I wanted to buy one of those cool black cowboy hats the local gauchos wear. Unfortunately they hadn’t any to fit me. I was about to leave, but the stall owner said to hang on for a few minutes. Eventually these three ancient old men, like the village elders or something, came out and were looking at me and talking to each other.
Eventually I turned to the tour guide and said, so can they get a hat to fit me, or what? He said, oh no, he doesn’t have any hats for you, he just wanted these guys to see the size of your head.
I imagine 2005 is now knowns as The Year the Massive Potato-Headed Gringo Came in those parts.
April 3rd, 2009 at 11:49 am
Back in 2004, a buddy of mine got a motorbike (a pretty cool Honda Shadow). He asked me if I’d like to have a go off it. I, of course, said I would so he hands me the helmet.
“Don’t worry,” he said, seeing how I was eye balling the helmet, “it’s the biggest one they had in the shop.”
I put it on. It got as far as my fucking eyebrows. I couldn’t get it any farther.
I stood there for an awkward couple of seconds. Do I try to ride the bike like this? Am I the first man to ever think the sentence “is my head is too big to ride a motorbike?”.
When I think back, that was the biggest size they had in the shop. We speculated that if I was to ride a bike safely I’d have to cut a hole in a safe, put my head through it and leave the door open.