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No, nay, never… freckle-boy

In the late 1990s, Amy Poehler was a sketch regular on Late Night With Conan O’Brien, playing sidekick Andy Richter’s little sister Stacy. It was basically the same bit, recycled over and over again. But somehow it managed never to stop being funny. Stacy is introduced as Andy’s little sister visiting from out of town. Andy casually mentions that his sister has (or used to have) a school girl crush on Conan. The host then says something complimentary about Stacy, which she misconstrues as evidence that he reciprocates her feelings.

Invariably, the scene concludes with an angry Stacy, scorned and vengeful, denouncing Conan in the most strident terms and (more often than not) physically assaulting him, her older brother, or both. It doesn’t sound all that funny, but it really is.

But don’t just take my word for it. Here’s Stacy: (1) a raging storm of unrequited love, (2) Thanksgiving spirit morphs into a vengeful poltergeist, (3) consumed by the fire of a hell he created on St. Patrick’s Day, (4) being torn and devoured by the sharks of rejection on Conan’s birthday and, finally, (5) love as pure as the driven snow belches up a fierce demonic freak.