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NORM’S OPENING LINES…

“How’s a beer sound, Norm?”
“I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.”

“Whatcha up to Norm?”
“My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall.”

“What’s shaking, Norm?”
“All four cheeks and a couple of chins.” “What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?”
“Going Down?”

“What would you say to a beer, Normie?”
“Daddy wuvs you.”

“What would you say to a beer, Norm?”
“Hiya, sailor. New in town?”

“What’s new, Normie?”
“Terrorists, Sam. They’ve taken over my stomach and they’re demanding beer.”

“What’ll it be, Normie?”
“Just the usual Coach. I’ll have a froth of beer and a snorkel.”

“What’d you like, Normie?”
“A reason to live. Give me another beer.”

“What’ll you have, Normie?”
“Well, I’m in a gambling mood Sammy. I’ll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.”
“Looks like beer, Norm.”
“Call me Mister Lucky.”

“Can I draw you a beer, Norm ?”
“No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.”

“How’s it going Mr. Peterson?”
“Poor.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“No, I said pour.”

“Hey Norm, how’s the world been treating you?”
“Like a baby treats a diaper.”

“How’s life treating you Norm?”
“Like it caught me sleeping with its wife.”

“What’s going down, Normie?”
“My butt cheeks on that bar stool.”

“Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?”
“Alright, but stop me at one… On second thoughts, make that one-thirty.”

“What’d you say, Norm?”
“Any cheap, tawdry thing that will get me a beer.”

“Whaddya say, Norm?”
“Well, I never met a beer I didn’t drink.”

“Can I pour you a beer Mr. Peterson?”
“A little early isn’t it, Woody?”
“For a beer?”
“No, for stupid questions.”

“Hey Mr. Peterson, there’s a cold one waiting for you.”
“I know… If she calls, I’m not here.”

[When I’m working late at night, I’ll occasionally watch an old Cheers episode on YouTube. What’s most impressive, I think, is how much humour the writers managed to extract (eleven series, over 250 episodes) from such a narrow and formulaic show. Norm’s opening lines are a case in point. It’s one basic joke (or two at a stretch) re-hashed over and over again. But its still funny the umpteenth time. That’s really, really hard to do.]