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GET CAPE. WEAR CAPE. GET HIGH.*

[*Runner-up caption idea was the Laurie Anderson-referencing NO, SUPERMAN]

I’M A PEDESTRIAN

You know the way some people are motorists, and some are cyclists, and others are, I dunno, innocent bystanders? Well I’m a pedestrian. I don’t walk for the exercise or the love of it or any of that crap. I walk because, for me, it’s the optimal method of getting from A to B. Not just that, there are all those extra little perks: no monthly payments, tax, or insurance. There are no timetables, parking spaces or unbecoming head gear of any type. It’s free like the Luas, except that this train leaves when I say it leaves. And – because there are no strikes, signal failures or traffic jams – it’s only late if I’m late.

There’s just one problem: there are no Rules of the Footpath. Honestly, it’s like the Wild West out there. Read the rest of this entry »

A NEW HOPE

In these troubled times, the people are crying out for a man with fresh ideas…

THIS IS FUNNY

Richard Pryor on the mafia. Another funny black guy taking the piss out of Italians right here.

ACTOR NEEDED FOR EMOTIONAL ROLE: ONE DAY, HIGH PAY

Anyone stuck for a few quid? What would you say to $500 for walking a dog… and breaking some children’s hearts?

SO, CAN I BUY EITHER OF YOU LADIES A DRINK?

“Top hair stylist Sascha Breuer took time away from his human clients to get these two horses looking their best for Ladies’ Day at London’s Kempton Park Racecourse…” Read the rest of this entry »

I FOUGHT THE LAW AND, SOMEWHAT UNEXPECTEDLY… I WON

As I may have alluded to here in the past, relations between the Garda Road Traffic Corps and myself have been a little strained over the years. (“Jaysus Butler,” a friend once remarked to me, “if you’d that many points on your Leaving, you coulda been an actuary!”) We’ve crossed swords many times in the past but, when we have, I’ve generally accepted whatever punishment was meted out.

Not not this time. This time I would hold out for justice – even if it cost me everything I hold dear. Read the rest of this entry »

THE BROAD MAJESTIC SHANNON (1988)

There aren’t too many songs that make me cry every time I hear them. Of course, then again, there aren’t many songs I only listen to when I’m paralytic drunk…

EASY LIKE MONDAY MORNING

1. For the first time in its history, golf is briefly fun.
2. European horse owners must sign a pledge not to eat their pets — or face up to two years in jail.
3. Irish people at least preferable to racist English, posits speaker at anti-xenophobia rally.

THE GREEN AND RED OF MAYO

My friends Samir and Dee are getting married today and I’m sure its going to be a wonderful occasion. But come 5pm, I know that my thoughts will turn to McHale Park in Castlebar and the person I’ll wish that I was there with.