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HAVE YOU GOT A SLVNLY, NHLSTC SIDE?

Is it just me, or is anyone else concerned about the wellbeing of the WKD gang? When those irrepressable jack-the-lads first burst into our lives they were brimming with mischief and effervescence: whether it was playing football in their underpants, hilariously pretending to be gay or engineering any number of japes that revolved around someone appearing to have pissed themselves. It was a golden age for hi-jinks.

But five years on, the reservoir of alcopop-fueled jocularity appears to have run dry, plunging the WKD gang into a downward spiral. Boisterous, imbecilic good humour has now been replaced by an all pervading sense of nihilism and apathy. The billboard campaign currently running in Dublin is particularly telling. One advertisement features a protagonist slumped on an armchair with his index finger cocked, while his flatmates hoover and tidy. (“Lifting a finger… WKD style” is the caption.) Another has a young man brandishing the menu from a Chinese restaurant and talking into a telephone. (“Giving orders… WKD style.”) When the most madcap antics you can envision include sitting down and ordering fast food… it’s probably not a positive indicator.

Still, its an ill wind that profits nobody, and I wondered I couldn’t pitch a couple of ideas of my own in that same vein. What about this one, for example? A browbeaten, prematurely middle aged man masturbating in a darkened room. (“Summer holidays… WKD style!”)

You’ve got my contact details Beverage Brands marketing department… Call me!