ireland

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT…

Okay, this is very clever… Watch the player in blue to the far right of the screen as the teams line out (0:05). He fakes the kick, executes an old reverse hand switcheroo dummy pass and then hotfoots it into the goalbag* as though his tights are on fire. Read the rest of this entry »

RANDOMERS: AN APOLOGIA

By throwing-out time on a Friday night, the streets resemble a ripped seam or a Hieronymus Bosch painting come to life. The footpaths teem with swaying bodies and grimacing faces. Some are belligerent. Others are content. Others yet are lovelorn. Most are drunk. And some… Well, some of us are peckish since you ask. In the bars and clubs from whence we were ejected, dim lighting encouraged coyness and prevarication. Here however, in the unforgiving glare of the late night florescent chip shop, conversations tend to be blunt and to the point. Read the rest of this entry »

PO’ BOY (2001)

Othello told Desdemona, “I’m cold, cover me with a blanket.
By the way, what happened to that poison wine?”
She says, “I gave it to you, you drank it.”

“YOU KNOW THE WAY LIFE ISN’T FAIR, RIGHT?”

My phone is ringing. It’s Aidan. I might have guessed. “You know the way life isn’t fair..?” he asks. As opening gambits go, this is one of his better efforts. (The last time he rang with bad news, he said “You were never too fond of that coffee table, were you?”)

Immediately, my mind races through all sorts of horrific possibilities. Aidan has run over my dog. Aidan has impregnated my sister. Aidan has murdered my pregnant sister and run over my dog while making his getaway… It’s almost a relief when he coughs up the truth. Read the rest of this article.

ALL MCWORK AND LOW PAY?

WHEN PEOPLE HEAR that I’ve volunteered to work for a day in McDonald’s, they react with a mixture of bafflement and horror. And who can blame them? In the popular imagination at least, the fast-food multinational has been blamed for everything from rising obesity rates, to Third World exploitation, to Morgan Spurlock’s diminished sex drive.Read the rest of this article here.

Brendan Thompson getting his mickey caught in his zip in junior infants: a critical analysis

Picture it: a vibrant tableau of rural Irish childhood in the 1980s. Two lines of infants, marshalled by an elderly nun, stand in a freezing corridor, waiting for their turn to use the toilet. There is some perfunctory jostling and pulling of hair. But for the most part, it is a peaceful scene. On the wall behind, a portrait of Pope John Paul II smiles down serenely. Read the rest of this entry »

IT’S A BEAUTIFUL DAY (OR MAYBE NOT…)

The sun is out. The sky is blue. Feeling optimistic about the future? Well then cop the fuck on…

THE SIMPSONS COME TO IRELAND

The Simpsons premiered their Irish special at a screening in the Lighthouse Cinema in Smithfield this morning. The episode was slightly better than I had expected, but only because my expectations were very, very low.

It’ll air on Sky One tomorrow but, if you can’t wait that long, I can reveal that: Read the rest of this entry »

“You’ve heard of the Loch Ness monster, right? The fact is that there are dozens of these lake creatures all over the world…”.

For the last year or so I’ve been doing a Q&A interview each week at the front of the Irish Times Saturday Magazine. This is the only one they’ve ever refused to print. It was with a preacher who was about to address a creationism rally in Lucan. The Irish Times refused to publish it on the grounds that the guy was clearly insane. My position was that of course the guy was insane, that was why I interviewed him in the first place. Sanity prevailed, unfortunately… Read the interview here.

Published: Unpublished, October 2008

“You’ve heard of the Loch Ness monster, right? The fact is that there are dozens of these lake creatures all over the world…”.

Since 2008, I’ve been doing a weekly Q&A interview at the front of the Irish Times Saturday Magazine. This is the only one they’ve ever refused to print. I interviewed a preacher who was about to address a creationism rally in Lucan. The Irish Times refused to publish it on the grounds that the guy was nuts. My position was that of course the guy was nuts, that was precisely why I interviewed him in the first place. Sanity prevailed, unfortunately… Read the rest of this entry »